M. (wantadonut) wrote in harryxdougie,

Stay Close, Don't Go FANFIC

Title: Stay Close, Don't Go
Author: wantadonut
Pairing: PoynterJudd
Fandom: McFly
Rating: PG-13
Genre(s): Drama/Romance/Slash
Disclaimer: Don't own anything except the plot.
Summary: He’s not allowed to enter the room, so he’s sitting in the floor, right in front of the door he wants to pass through so badly.

The hallway was nearly empty – no one was there except for him - but crowded with emotions. With sad feelings; with apprehensions and fear. He’s not allowed to enter the room, so he’s sitting in the floor, right in front of the door he wants to pass through so badly. He can’t stand it. It’s breaking him, it’s filling him with disgrace – why can’t he go inside? Why isn’t him next to the bed, his hands securely attached around the younger’s pale fingers?

It’s not fair. He feels an urge to tell the boy he’s there, to show him he cares and that he’ll be there for him whenever he needs him.

So he stands up. The nurses are all afraid of what he will do – he’s sitting there for almost two days, only eating when obligated by his friends, so it’s possible that he’d lost his mind.

But all he does is walking away from the hospital, searching for his car. Where had he parked it? Maybe in the nearest street…

He keeps walking, feet after feet, his heart aching with the pain of being away from the door – from Dougie.

He grabs firmly the case, holding it as if the younger’s life depended on it. He just wishes it’s enough to save him from whatever is killing him day by day.

Once he’s back inside, he can see that the nurses are nervous again, but he only sighs, trying to understand what’s so bad about him. Maybe he loved too much.

He sits in his spot again, his back touching the cold wood door. He closes his eyes while his fingers start running between the guitar strings, a melody he had came up with when he heard about what happened – about that incident.

“Hey Doug. This is Harry. I hope you can hear me. I wish I could by your side right now, but even if my body is not with you, you know my heart is and will always be yours. This is for you,” he says it out loud, not whispering how he used to do in the past couple days.

I'm staring at the glass in front of me,
is it half empty of our wins or have I ruined all you've given me?
I know I've been selfish,
I know I've been foolish,
but look through that
and you will see,
I'll do better, I know,
Baby, I can do better.

He hears the footsteps, hesitantly and weak, but he can hear them closing the gap between them. He can hear the boys back colliding with the door, sitting just like Harry was. He wishes he could touch Dougie, hug him and kiss him, just to show him he is not alone.

The song says it for him. He knows the boy probably has some tears in his eyes, because he does too.

He never gave Dougie the attention he deserved. He never realized how much he was in love – he new it deep down, of course, but it was so far away from his comprehension...

If you leave me tonight, I'll wake up alone,
don't tell me I will make it on my own,
don't leave me tonight,
this heart of stone will sing till it dies
if you leave me tonight.

He couldn’t let the boy walk away. They had just found each other as lovers, they hadn’t had enough time together. It wasn’t fair! He wanted Dougie, and he couldn’t bare with the possibility of being away from him.

Harry needs the gentle kisses, the caring touches and the unexpected hugs. He won’t make it without Dougie. He can’t live without the younger one.

Sometimes I stare at you while you are sleeping,
I listen to your breathing,
amazed how I somehow managed to
sweep you off your feet boy,
your perfect little feet boy
I took for granted what you do.
But I'll do better, I know
Baby, I can do better.

He’s crying now. The tears are tracing the pain when falling, and he knows that if the singing wasn’t good in the beginning, it was probably worse now. His eyes are closed, so he can’t see all the people watching him with sympathy in theirs eyes.

He hears Dougie’s soft voice, he can feel the smile that’s playing in the boy’s lips. “My feet are disgusting, Harry.”

He lets a desperate laugh, his crying getting harder now. But he can’t stop playing, he can’t stop singing all his love, all his fears. Dougie deserves to know it.

If you leave me tonight, I'll wake up alone,
don't tell me I will make it on my own,
don't leave me tonight,
this heart of stone will sing till it dies
if you leave me tonight.

Lizzie is watching him. As so are her parents. And her brother’s doctors are watching all the pain that is exhaling from him – and especially all the love - too.

She never thought Harry loved her brother so much. No one saw it coming, because it was Harry after all. The boy never seemed to truly love someone and ok, maybe he had a overprotective sense around Dougie since they first met, but no one thought it would grew this big.

She thinks it’s beautiful. She didn’t know anyone who would do the same as the boy is doing for her brother. Of course it’s sad; it’s the worst thing she could ever watch at, but at bottom of everything, it’s the most amazing thing too…

Lizzie doesn’t know if she should go to her brothers room and unlock it, allow Harry to enter there. Maybe she should. But she knew what that meant; she would let Harry vulnerable to die too.

And don't you know my heart is open,
it's bringing on the fight,
and I've got this feeling,
that everything's alright,
and don't you see,
I’m not the only one for you
but you're the only one for me.

“But you are!” he can hear the soft attempt of yell that Dougie gave him. “You’re the only one for me. I swear you are.”

The last phrase is more like a whimper, so Harry just keeps on singing, even though all he wanted to do was to be in there with the boy. He doesn’t care if he ended up dying – he wants Dougie. This is all he can think every hour, minute or second. He wants to give the boy he loves the love he deserves, because he feels it, but he has the urge to show him every inch of its unbelievable size.

The song is not a serenade; it’s just a desperate way to make things clear. Because that’s how Harry feels: desperate.

(stay)If you leave me tonight,
(close) I'll wake up alone,
(don't)don't tell me I will
(go)make it on my own,
(stay)don't leave me tonight,
(close)this heart of stone
(don't) will sing till it dies
(go)if you leave me tonight.

He ends it with one last tear falling from his eyes and he pulls his legs to his chest, feeling empty and vulnerable. He has just exposed himself, but that’s not the reason he feels this way.

He notices he did so much for nothing; he won’t be with his love even after that. He proved himself! He showed everyone what his intentions are. He’s…

Dougie starts screaming. He is punching the door, screaming with more strength that he’d ever showed anyone after he became ill.

“I want to see Harry! Lemme see him! Haz! I love you, Harry!” At every word, at every letter, Harry’s heart seemed to be stabbed and sink deeper and deeper in pain.

He hadn’t realize it had happened until he heard the footsteps near him. He saw Lizzie’s eyes filled with tears, some falling in her blushed cheeks. She hugs him firmly, desperately, and then a key is placed in the inside of his right hand. He looks her in the eyes, he’s not sure he’d ever been this thankful to someone before.

Harry slides the key to the keyhole, sighing and then turning the key. He gives Lizzie a small smile.

“Thank you.”

The door is opened. They’d be together.

Don't leave me tonight.
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